What is the pilgrim's progress?

There are times when one feels that nothing is being accomplished. One looks back at the day, the weekend, the summer, the years and thinks, "What have I done?" At times like these it is easy to despair. But then, when a person actually sits down to ponder her deeds, a great many come to mind. So it is with my writing.

First, one must debunk the idea of "writing." Writing is not solely the act of putting words to paper. No: writing must include thinking, reading, and talking. Writing can be a very indirect process. "Why on Earth are you reading Multitudes," my wife asked. The answer is that when one follows interests, one never knows where they will lead. Inspiration and provocation often come from unlikely places.

These notions bring to mind Bertrand Russell's lovely essay: "In Praise of Idleness." Note that Russell is not defending aimlessness. Russell is urging us to allow for the free play of ideas, and for the time to ponder and explore. It is a myth, after all, that one knows exactly where one is going. And it is a myth too, that relentless work begets productivity. These are paired thoughts in modern consciousness. In debunking these ideas--in permitting ourselves loose reins--we open ourselves up to discovery. And while at it, our free play can itself act as a critique of modernity, and a way toward another world.

Still, we moderns have a "work ethic" drilled into us. It is difficult to feel adequate without being able to point to progress and achievements. The key is not to transform the forest walk into "exercise," but to acknowledge the range of activities, thoughts, and deeds one has in fact enacted.

As I look past on these past four months abroad, I will note (without granting modernity a hold over me) my accomplishments: I have written a book. I have learned to speak something of another language. I have learned a great deal about another people and their country. I have revised and resubmitted an article for publication. I have fathered. I have husbanded. I have employed. I have faced challenges from states, banks, and other institutions. I have read. I have learned. I have lived.